A couple of weeks back I was offered some “Advice” from a “Relative” who claimed they were doing so because of The Elephant In The Room that is my weight. Ummm. I am not skinny by any means but also not ready to be a contestant on Biggest Loser either. I digress.
First a very brief back story. 1) This relative I have met once for about 45 minutes 2 years ago. 2) Only communication comes via remote family and through Facebook and 3) This relative has no formal contact with my family.
That said, I found the Elephant in the Room (EIR) approach laughable to say the least as my understanding of an EIR is there has to be a group of select individuals in and around you that see a known problem and thus know you are trying to avoid the discussion.
I avoid nothing in terms of these types of discussions hence no EIR.
I shift this whole thing to someone remote (and now no longer) in my life offering advice that I wasn’t looking for and/or asking for. And someone completely unqualified to do so as well making it even more infuriating.
So, before I get waaaaayyy off on a soapbox and get nasty about all this I have my question of the day.
What are the rules for giving advice especially when it comes to things like weight, relationships and health?
I will start. Advice is given only when seeked from another or when the relationship is strong enough to respect it and appreciate the offering.
And, GO!
ps…sorry for my absence…think I am finally back 
I think advice can be given when requested for sure. Offering unrequested advice is a little different. If there is a solid consistent relationship, you should be aware that you are allowed to speak into another’s life with guidance and advice. If the relationship is surface at best the offerer of advice should ask for permission and keep it simple if accepted. It also helps if the person offering advice is sharing because of their own personal experience and they get vulnerable.
This is making me think of my own advice giving. Wondering if I have ever really crossed the line with anyone.
There’s a fine line between a bit of friendly teasing, and outright hurtful criticizing. There’s no place for the latter when it comes in the guise of advice that nobody has asked for or wants. Unfortunately, those who give it are often the type of people who don’t recognize how inappropriate it is to barge across someone’s personal boundaries, so there’s not a whole lot you can do to stop them. But it’s very convenient when someone prefaces their words with, “If you want my advice…” because then you can interrupt with a grin and say something like, “Thanks, but I don’t.” Or, if they start with, “I hope you won’t take this the wrong way…” you can stop them with that same grin and suggest, “I probably will, so to be on the safe side let’s not go there.”
When it comes to *giving* any kind of personal advice… unless you’re long time best buddies, DON’T. At least that’s my opinion.